do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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