I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
