I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I didn't notice because vodka
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
