she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
