At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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