the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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