Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
