Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
