i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
