I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
