This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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