see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
