he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
