I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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