So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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