the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
