Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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