I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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