the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
