i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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