it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
