atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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