i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
