Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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