The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
