Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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