you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just found a bag of teeth...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
