Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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