Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
