I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
