Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
