Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
