They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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