i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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