the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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