the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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