did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
