I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he fucked my hip out of place.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
