kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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