did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
