goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
