If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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