Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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