i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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