i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
