I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
