i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
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