I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
