Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
