:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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