we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
