That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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