ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
