these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
