If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he fucked my hip out of place.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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